The Karma of Your Circle: How Your Social Environment Shapes Your Destiny

"You Are the Average of the Five People Closest to You": The Science Behind the Claim

This phrase is attributed to Jim Rohn, an American motivational speaker. But behind the elegant formula lies real science. Research in sociology, behavioral economics, and neuroscience confirms: we are far more porous than we think. Attitudes, habits, values, even biological rhythms — all of this transfers between people who spend time together.

The famous Framingham Heart Study, which tracked the health of several thousand residents of one American city over decades, found something remarkable: obesity "spreads" through social networks almost like a virus. If your close friend gains weight, your risk of doing the same increases by 57%. If it's merely an acquaintance — by 20%. The same principle works in reverse: happiness, smoking, drinking, loneliness — all of these are "contagious" in a social sense.

The mechanism is simple and ancient: we are social animals, and our brains constantly read the norms of our environment and adjust to them. What's normal to do, what's normal to think, what's normal to want — all of this is largely determined by those who surround us. This isn't weakness of character — it's neurobiology.

The karmic meaning: your social circle is not merely the backdrop of your life. It is an active environment that is constantly shaping you. And your choices about this circle are among the most significant karmic choices you make.

Karmic Attraction: Why We Choose Who We Choose

We don't choose our family. But we do choose our friends, partners, colleagues — or at least we have influence over this choice. So why do we attract precisely the people we attract into our lives?

Psychologists speak of the similarity principle: we tend toward people who resemble us — in values, developmental level, and life orientation. Not only because it's more comfortable with similar people, but also because similar people confirm our worldview and reinforce our identity.

From a karmic standpoint, this means: who you are right now — your values, fears, ambitions, blind spots — determines who you attract. If there are many people in your life who constantly complain and do nothing, that's a signal not only about them but about you. If you're surrounded by people who grow and develop — that's a signal too.

The paradox: to change your circle, you must first change yourself. Attempts to simply "change your crowd" without changing yourself typically result in new people who turn out to be remarkably similar to the old ones — just with different scenery.

Toxic Relationships as a Karmic Teacher: Leave or Stay?

The concept of "toxic relationships" has become enormously popular in recent years. Sometimes so popular that it gets applied to any difficult relationship, including those that simply require work and growth.

From a karmic standpoint, it's important to distinguish two situations. First: relationships in which there is genuine toxicity — systematic humiliation, manipulation, breach of trust, suppression. Second: relationships that are difficult or painful but carry a lesson or opportunity for growth.

Toxic relationships are, certainly, a karmic challenge. But how we respond to that challenge is itself a karmic act. Staying in a destructive relationship out of fear is not virtue. Leaving a difficult relationship at the first sign of discomfort is not wisdom. The task: honestly distinguishing one from the other.

An indicator of a karmically sound approach to difficult relationships: you stay not because you're afraid to leave, and you leave not because you're uncomfortable. You stay because you see real potential for mutual growth. You leave because you recognize: that growth is no longer possible here.

Read more about the psychology of difficult relationships in the piece on toxic relationships.

How to Raise the Karmic Bar of Your Circle Without Becoming a Snob

When people hear the advice to "surround yourself with better people," the first reaction is often rejection. It sounds snobbish: as though you should throw out old friends and find yourself some "successful" acquaintances.

But this is a misunderstanding. Raising the karmic bar of your circle isn't about the status, education, or income of others. It's about their values, their relationship with life and with you.

Concretely: it means spending more time with people who inspire you to grow. Who are honest with you rather than only telling you what you want to hear. Who have clear values and follow them. Who treat others with respect.

One of the most unnoticed ways to raise the bar: become the person you want to see in your circle. Want smart, honest, kind, courageous people around you? Become smarter, more honest, kinder, more courageous. And you'll find that such people begin appearing in your life — as if drawn by a magnet.

The Principle of Reciprocity: How You Affect the Karma of Those Around You

We talk a lot about how our circle affects us. But karmically equally important: how do we affect those who surround us?

Each of us is part of someone else's circle. For someone, we are the closest person who defines their karmic context. This is a responsibility that's easy to overlook.

What do you bring to relationships? Energy or its depletion? Support or constant criticism? Inspiration or despondency? Honesty or comfortable lies? These aren't rhetorical questions — they are karmically significant characteristics of your presence in others' lives.

The principle of reciprocity in relationships works across different time horizons. Short-term, relationships can be unequal — one gives more, another takes. This is normal during periods of crisis or growth. But long-term, healthy relationships tend toward reciprocity: both sides receive and give something valuable.

More on the science and karma of friendship in the article on friendship and trust.

Karmic "Anchors" — People Who Pull You Down

An anchor is a nautical device that holds a ship in place. In the context of relationships, an anchor is a person or group that holds you where you no longer wish to be.

Karmic anchors are not necessarily bad people. Often they're people who love you — but don't want you to change. Because your changes threaten their worldview, their place in your relationship, their identity ("we're these kinds of people, we don't do that"). An anchor can be a family that grew up believing ambition is dangerous. A friend who will always find why your new idea won't work. A partner whose self-esteem depends on your smallness.

You can recognize an anchor by a specific feeling: near them, you feel you must be less — less smart, less successful, less bright — for the relationship to remain comfortable. As if your growth threatens the very existence of the relationship.

The karmically wise response to anchors — not aggression and not flight, but clarity. Clarity about who you want to be. Clarity about what relationships you're willing to build. And calm but firm adherence to your own course — with respect for those who remain behind.

More on the nature of social support and its impact on growth in the article on social support: what science says.

Building Community vs. Accumulating Contacts: Quality vs. Quantity

In the era of LinkedIn and Instagram, people develop the illusion that many contacts equals wealth. A thousand "friends" on Facebook. Five hundred "connections" on LinkedIn. All these are numbers that are easy to count — and easy to confuse with real relationships.

Robin Dunbar's anthropological research showed: the human brain can sustain genuinely close relationships with a limited number of people. The "Dunbar number" is approximately 150 people in your active social circle, and of those, truly close relationships — about 5-15.

The karmic significance: quality profoundly exceeds quantity. One genuine friend who truly knows you, supports you in difficult moments, and tells you the truth is karmically more valuable than a thousand superficial acquaintances.

But community is something more than simply a set of close friends. It's a gathering of people connected by shared values, meanings, and aspirations. Participating in genuine community — professional, spiritual, creative, or otherwise — is a powerful karmic resource. Because in community, people grow together, not merely alongside each other.

A sign of genuine community: you are a better person after contact with it. A sign of contact accumulation: you simply know more people.

Invite Someone Close to a Karmic Duel

One of the best ways to test your shared values with someone close is to take a karmic duel together. You both answer the same questions — and see where your karmic maps align and where they diverge. This isn't a competition, but a conversation — honest, deep, and sometimes surprisingly revelatory. See who among your friends is already on karm.top and invite them.

And take the karma test yourself to better understand what kind of person you are in relationships — and what exactly you bring into the lives of those around you.